an artist’s blog

Adaptability

12/30/2019

9:50 am ET

I thought my previous blog would be the last of this year, but it looks like I’ve got more in me. Here are some of today’s thoughts.

As of this year I left my previous job working as a server to enter the world of administrative office work. I currently work for a company I love, that sent me to India for three weeks. The job is mostly stimulating, and the company has wonderful benefits, including offering appreciation for the people who work here. The environment is great and not something I’d easily give up. That being said, moving from a job where you make tips to a job where you are paid hourly, the paychecks can look a lot different. I took a paycut in exchange for sanity and benefits, and honestly I’ve been a lot healthier and happier since making that decision.

Unfortunately, my bank account has been the opposite of healthy. Overdraft fees, negative balances, and lots of credit cards have become the norm in my life. I miss the money, and sometimes I miss the challenge of working in a high speed, high expectations restaurant. It was really easy to succeed in my previous profession, and succeeding has always made me feel good about myself. I correlate my work ethic and self worth directly. This means that when I’m not doing well, or doing just okay in a work environment it can really affect my self esteem and how I value myself.

I have always needed to be challenged, and the fast paced work environment of a busy restaurant offered me the constant and difficult obstacles I crave. Even now, after being in a slower and healthier position, I long for the madness that my restaurant position offered. I’ve found that my need for hardships and obstacles in a work environment and my cravings for balance and inner peace make chasing my dream more difficult. Art takes so much patience and organization, it takes absolute confidence in yourself and your abilities. I think confidence is the next necessity in my journey.

I wanted to type out this blog entry because I am exploring a second job. The words send a chill down my spine and create tension in my neck. I know that I can do it, I’ve worked plenty of 60+ hour weeks in my time, and I flourish when I’m busy. I think the scariest thing about a second job is the lost time. Time has become so important to me since leaving school. 20 more hours of work are 20 hours taken from my boyfriend, friends and family. It’s 20 hours taken away from the potential to paint, to climb, to go see a movie. It means more money, and less time spent laying on the couch with my cats, who are only aging. All these things mean more to me than money, but life has become about surviving as it often does. I want to clear my debt and generate some kind of savings account. I want to be both mentally and financially prepared if and when I decide to solely focus on my art as income. After last week, I had decided that I wanted to spend 20 hours a week in my studio. The year hasn’t even begun and my goals are changing, because my needs are ever changing. I think it’s important to recognize when it’s time to focus on something else. I think that being able to adapt and do what is necessary now will help me later on in life, when I finally make the jump and chase my dream.

Remember that while you are working towards one main goal, you may need to alter some of the smaller goals along the way. Your path may change shape, and maybe even direction every now and again, but as long as you keep your eye on the ball things should fall into place. I’m excited to see what my life looks like with a little more pressure and a little less debt.